Dear me,

Thank you for creating all the versions of you that kept me safe for so many years. You have endured, persevered and remained resilient. Over the last year, you have looked at all versions of you, the shadows and the light.  You got naked. You shed old beliefs and stories that were no longer serving you.  You opened to love and pushed away fear.  You found your voice, your tribe, your heart and your freedom.  Stripping those layers were not easy.  You leaned into your divine feminine power, found flow.  You learned your beauty was never defined by the opinions of others but it was deep within, and you found it.  You became your own advocate and took your power back. You are conscious, you are aware.  You are open and curious, no longer rigid and critical. I’m so fucking proud of you.  I dedicate this work to your beautiful soul.  I see you; I honor you.  This is just the beginning. 

My name is Brittany. I like to write and truthfully, I am scared shitless to start this project but know in my heart that this is where God has asked me to be. I am a mother to two beautiful girls, wife to an incredible husband and sister to a group of women who inspire me to love all parts of me both in the shadows and in the light. I have no clue whose life will be impacted by my story or why God has called me to do this. I have simply chosen to surrender and follow my faith.

I remember as a very young girl always being drawn to writing, spiritual encounters, singing (I seriously thought I was the undiscovered Mariah Carey) and freedom. I loved to be in water and to feel the warmth of the sun. I loved animals, flowers, butterflies and the color blue. I always felt a little different than most, maybe more sensitive, often times a little bit more of a wanderer. I stayed to myself and wasn’t afraid to stand up for what I believed in without any uncertainty. I did have a little spark or fire in my soul, an uncanny ability to create, flow and feel. Creative expression felt natural to me back then, I felt my innocence. It was me. 

As time passed, that innocence and flow became rigid and relentless. That spark turned in to perfectionism. Emotions and feelings were suppressed. The open heart turned colder and closed off. The singing stopped, my love for the sun the moon and the stars faded out. The walls were up and I was boxed in. Afraid to love and get hurt. Afraid to live. I felt like a prisoner inside my own body for all of my life up until this year. I never chose anything for me, I chose to control over flow. I lived a life inside of the prison cell I created to keep me safe.

2023 was different though. I was ready to shine a light on all of the shadows of me, shatter 30+ years of stories created and beliefs that were no longer serving me. I invested in my growth unapologetically. I took accountability for my part in co-creating this life and my relationships. I spent many days feeling my pain and surrendering to it. I let myself be seen and loved myself through all of it. I dug deep, I dropped in and got vulnerable. I communicated my truth and had hard conversations. Removed judgement and resistance as I explored the power of plant medicine, did breathwork, 1:1 coaching, moved across the country to join a tribe of women and men alike who seek the same truth, community and connection I’ve been yearning for my whole life. A community and life of breaking the patterns, generational trauma, destructive beliefs and barriers and living a life of abundance that God intended for me to co-create.

I found gratitude for the pain, trust in the vulnerability and love through the fear. This entry is only the beginning and my intention is to share a collection of my experiences and my healing through them as I continue to put in the work to return to me.